|
|
KNOW-THIS
Joined: 14 Jul 2003
Posts: 3694
|
Jesus supports Howard Stern
 Fri Sep 03, 2004 8:49 pm
|
 |
|
Jesus H Christ goes against conventional wisdom, backs shock jock Howard Stern
By Jason Kaplan
In a move that shocked both politicians and religious leaders alike, Jesus H Christ, also known as "The Lord and Savior" to many in the religious community, came out in favor of the popular radio shock jock Howard Stern.
"I think he's funny," the son of God said in rare statement, made on his way back from the Olympic games in Greece. "He's got a sharp sense of humor, he speaks the truth, and he has a really great head of hair, although I liked it better when it was longer."
The ringing endorsement of Mr. Stern could not have come at an odder time for the Bush Administration, as born-again Christian and sell proclaimed "#1 fan-boy" of Jesus, President George W Bush, has been working over time in this election year to remove Stern from the airwaves, often evoking Jesus as the reason for taking such action. In a 2003 interview on Larry King, alongside fellow Jesus freak Jerry Fawell, President Bush told the nation that taking Stern off the air is what God wanted.
"Look, I know God, I talk to him, every Sunday, Jesus is always besides me for every decision I make," the President told the suspender wearing talk show host, "and if there is one thing on Jesus' mind this election year, if there is one thing that would make him happy, it would be to remove this man [Howard Stern] and the filth he spews from the public airwaves."
Jesus, when notified of these comments after coming out in favor of Stern, disagreed with Bush's take on their friendship. "I like the President," Jesus said, "he turned to me after some troubled times and I helped him see the light. But I am as close of friends with him as Larry King is with Sandy Koufax, i.e, not at all. At least not anymore than any one of my other beautiful creatures on this great, green earth".
The Holy One went on to say that listening to Stern is a favorite past time of His. "Zeus and I were just talking about Howard the other day in Athens," he said. "We loved the Restless song parody contest. It's amazing how I bestowed zero musical talent into that pudgy CBS honcho and he was still able to somehow get his song played on the radio. This is why mankind continues to amaze me."
Mr. Christ seemed baffled why so many who claim to follow and love Him also harbor such resentment and hatred for Howard Stern. "Look, I get that the show isn't for everybody, but the bottom line is, Howard continues in the great tradition that I started of loving the most helpless of us more than others. On what other show do you find prostitutes, porn stars, midgets and mentally challenged people treated as equals, if not better, than most 'normal' people?" Jesus said, making quotation marks in the air with His fingers. "I mean, it's in the Bible, I treated the whore Mary better than anyone because she was a whore! I only wished I had thought of It's Just Wrong back then, but basically, what he and I are doing are the same things."
A fired up Jesus, growing visibly red at the actions being carried out in His name, took out His frustrations further against the President. "I've kept my mouth shut about this for a long time, but the truth is, I was not there when Bush asked me if should go to war with Iraq. I don't know what voice he claims to have heard, but it wasn't me. He could have been talking to the ottoman for all I know."
Calls to Howard's agent have not been returned, but the Bush administration has already released a statement in which they too distance themselves from part of the Holy Trinity. "President Bush, while still greatly admiring the King of Kings in His infinite wisdom, wholly disagrees with Him on his views of Stern." The statement went on to comment that Jesus' claims about the Iraq war were "unpatriotic" and typical of "pinko, wacko Democrats".
Mr. Christ is currently listed as an Independent. |
| |
|
|
TheMinstrel
Joined: 15 Sep 2004
Posts: 72
|
|
Sat Sep 18, 2004 8:43 pm
|
|
|
Howard Stern is pobably more popular than Jesus. Stern, with his flair for aggrandizing self promotion once proclaimed himself the Leader of Idiots. The idiots of America need a strong leader. They need Him NOW more than ever. Lead them to the light, the one true Faith, the wisdom imparted by the most righteous among men, Howard. We, the idiots, love you.
Last edited by TheMinstrel on Sat Sep 18, 2004 10:33 pm; edited 2 times in total |
| |
|
|
 
|
|
All times are GMT. The time now is Sat May 26, 2012 2:20 pm
|
|
|
|
|
Login
