posted 05-01-2001 01:46 PM
Hey Kids, don't try this at home... without your folks anyway!
I can't vouch for this because I've never tried it, but I had saved it from another website I found a few months ago. I'm sure some of you have seen it? Thought I'd post it for my fellow Texans and everyone everywhere!
The TEXAS REVENGE technique for quickly ridding yourself of hostile microorganisms
designed to invade the lungs takes advantage of these two relatively unknown facts.
You will find that it is remarkably effective. Although we have not had a chance to test it as emergency first aid, because we are still waiting for the next aerosol attack, it is quite possible that you may want to use it as a preventive as soon as you realize you've been sprayed.
You will need an ounce or two of a high proof liquor or whiskey at room temperature.
80 proof equals 40 percent alcohol, which seems just fine. Your best bet is a clear or "white" rum that is commonly available. Because of the primary ingredient you will not want to do TEXAS REVENGE and drive, or any other meaningful activity for that matter, so bedtime is an appropriate choice. In a china coffee mug (we didn't have any liquor glasses) pour about three quarters of an inch of rum and find a comfortable chair.
Practice breathing in through your mouth and out through your nose for a full minute. You will do this throughout the treatment and you don't want to have to stop and think
Say the following words out loud in a firm voice: "I REMEMBER THE ALAMO AND I
REMEMBER WACO. TEXAS WILL FIND YOU." Then take a sip of the rum - about a tablespoon full.
Hold the rum in your mouth, swishing it around with your tongue for at least a full
1. Breathe out through your nose - all the way.
2. Swallow the rum.
3. Take a deep breath in through your mouth, pulling alcohol vapor deep into you lungs.
4. Hold for five seconds.
5. Breathe out through your nose half way.
6. Inhale through your mouth and hold.
7. If you are pretty sure you've been infected, drive the alcohol vapor deeper into the lungs by trying to push the air out with mouth and nose firmly closed.
8. Finally, exhale through your nose again and relax, still breathing in through your
mouth, out through your nose.
9. Repeat any of the phrases above, out loud.
10. Repeat steps 1 - 9 with more rum until the rum is gone.
11. Finally, say the words out loud, "Never give up. Never give up. Never give up." and go to bed.
You will find that Papa Hemingway and his buddies did indeed create a marvelous technique for serious drinking. If you have not been infected with the new germ you will simply have had a pleasant and harmless experience with only enough alcohol to make a single stiff drink. If the "flu-like" war germ has been busy taking over your lungs, you will have started a fast-moving process to get rid of it which is detailed below. At this time there is no reason to think that any of the germs being spread are immune to direct contact with alcohol. If you see any articles about how you must never do this procedure, you will know just how good it is.
As you get into the TEXAS REVENGE process, you may become a bit more brave and wish to increase it's potency. You can do this by only swallowing half the rum. Tilt your head downward and allow the remaining rum to accumulate in the front of your mouth before inhaling. Then breathe in through pursed lips, allowing the air stream to run right across the top of the liquid. This will pick up a much higher amount of alcohol vapor and may produce a coughing reflex the first time, but you can do it once you know what to expect.
People vary of course, but this is what you should experience IF the new bug has been in your lungs for a while. The chest pain that many have associated with pleurisy, an ache that may suddenly appear when you move around, take a deep breath, go into a cold air, etc., will disappear immediately. You will also find, the next morning, that your breathing is easier, and that fluid production in the lungs is slowing down. You will know, without any doubt, that you are feeling better.
The first proof of real effectiveness will appear 12 to 18 hours after the treatment.
If you are infected, TEXAS REVENGE will create a massive die-off of microorganisms,
and their little dead bodies, toxins, and associated debris must be cleaned up. Much
of this will go through the lymph glands under your arms and you will experience an
aching sensation there and perhaps some swelling. Since you know what it is, there is no reason to be alarmed. There are products and techniques for aiding the lymphatic system. You might want to see what's available.
You will observe that fluid production will continue to slow down, perhaps getting thicker. You will continue to breathe easier and feel better, despite any soreness from
the lymph gland overload. Finally, from 24 to 48 hours after treatment, you may
suddenly cough up a hard mass that is the reported gelatin-like material the new war
germ builds around itself and the infection site. I don't think I would swallow this if I were you. It's disgusting but there's no way around it. Just remember that this is your little gift from the United States Air Force. It is a graphic introduction to the real world, as opposed to the Disney-like fantasy most people are stuck in.
You will again notice that you feel even better after expelling whatever-it-is, and
should continue to improve dramatically for the next few days. It is probably too much
to expect that a single treatment of TEXAS REVENGE will get everything. Also, the
previously infected areas may not be fully able to resist other infections right away.
Consequently you may find that several treatments, four or five days apart are a good idea. Please don't forget to say the words.
[Edited 1 times, lastly by defender on 05-01-2001]