posted 01-21-2003 09:31 PM            

You develop a 1 to 10 warning system for your intestinal gas attacks.
You prefer to walk the excess length off your jeans rather than hem them.
You can name the entire cast of The Dukes of Hazzard, but not your congressman.
The primary color of your car is Bond-O.
You list tick removal as a skill on your resume.
Your mounted deer head sports a baseball cap and sunglasses.
Your bra size is higher than your S.A.T. score.
Directions to your house include "turn off the paved road."
The dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
You can't spell your name without looking at your belt.
You have to dress up the kids to go to K-mart.
You think the Battle of the Bulge is an argument between your wife and mother.
You've ever had to turn your truck around because of bridge clearance restrictions.
You view duct tape as a long-term investment.
The last thing you read was a syphilis pamphlet at the clinic.
You think the Bud Bowl is real.
Your brother-in-law is also your uncle.
You think the Super Bowl is a top of the line bathroom fixture.
Every workday ends with the same argument about who gets to ride in the cab of the truck.
No matter which side of the track you live on, it's the wrong side.
There is the equivalent of 3 large orders of fries scattered on the floorboard of your car.
The "Save Naugahyde" protection group chooses your house as a picket site.
You get your daily requirement of fiber from toothpicks.
You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
Your and your wife's family reunion are one and the same.
You've ever been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
During your wedding ceremony the minister said, "Do you, DeWayne, take Connie to be your old lady?"
You can drink beer through your nose.
You wore a three-day growth of beard before Don Johnson.
Your TV remote control is your son Junior.
Someone asks to see your marriage license and you have to dig through the back floorboard of the G.T.O.
You have three first names.
Your family business requires a lookout.
Your wife answers to "Cuz."
You have to take the entire day off work to get your teeth cleaned.
Anything outside the Lower 48 is "overseas."
Your husband chews the same brand of tobacco as your mother-in-law.
You've ever hollered, "You kids quit playing on that sheet metal."
Your neighbor has ever asked to borrow a quart of beer.
You've ever rolled your riding lawn mower.
You cried the day your son tapped his first keg.
You repair your styrofoam cooler with duct tape and bubblegum.
Drying your clothes depends on the weather.
The cockroaches left you a note saying, "Clean this place up!"
Someone says that your mother wears army boots and you say, "So?"
You can eat a McDonald's cheeseburger in one bite.
Your best linens have Property of Motel 6 printed on them.
You have to honk your horn when pulling into your driveway to keep from killing chickens.
You've ever worn camouflage pants to church.
You think that safe sex is when the participants are married to each other.
You have eight cars and still have to bum a ride to work.
The original color of your carpet is an unsolved mystery.
The hood of your truck is higher than the roof of your house.
Your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.
Your idea of a big Saturday night is drinking beer and burning trash.
You know how to milk a goat.
Your local funeral home has a neon sign in the window.
Your dog goes "oink."
You write off a radiator as a business expense.
For your aniversary you take your wife to dinner at the Wal-Mart snack bar.
You think the Yellow Pages have something to do with training a puppy.
You have season tickets for the tractor pull.
You refer to your van as "The Love Machine."
Your family talks just like professional wrestlers.
You have Mason jars filled with stuff the FBI can't identify.
You sell rabbits out of your car.
Your Uncle Bob died peeing on an electric fence.
Your new sofa was on a curb in another part of town yesterday.
Your idea of water conservation is moving your Saturday night bath to every other Saturday.
You think espresso means 8 items or less.
You've never stayed in a hotel without stealing something.
All of your relatives' cars have "Tag Stolen" signs in the rear window.
Your hunting dog fetches more beer than birds.
You keep a pellet gun by the front door.
You think "recycling" means going home from work.
Your truck is insured by Smith & Wesson.
You sweep up the rice at the wedding and serve it at the reception.
You wet the bed and four other people immediately know it.
Your daddy has ever said, "You kids run down to the dump and see what they left."
A night on the town includes city jail.
Your flashlight holds more than four batteries.
You eat a bowl of beans in order to take a bubble bath.
There is a puddle in your driveway year-round.
You've ever read the entire Sunday paper sitting in the bathroom.
You have orange road cones in your living room.
You've ever watched the game warden through your scope.
You get your oil changed by your barber.
Your car wakes people up when you drive down the street.
You can field dress a deer, but can't change a diaper.
Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.
You check your shirt to spell your name.
Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."
Your grandmother, mother, and wife all have kids the same age.
You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.
Your bar tab always equals your paycheck.
The liquor store knows you by your first name.
You run out of beer and your friends go home.
Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
You videotape fishing shows.
You've ever hit a deer with your car... deliberately.
You get homesick watching cops.
You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
You've ever eaten out of a minnow bucket.
You always answer the door with a baseball bat in your hand.
You move to another state so you can buy beer on Sundays.
You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
Your hood ornament used to be a bowling trophy.
You've ever been arrested for loitering.
You own half of a pick-up truck.
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
You have your own private booth at the Dairy Queen.
You've totaled every car you've owned.
The strongest smell in your house is butane.
You panicked when Sears discontinued its catalog.
There are more than five McDonald's bags currently on the floorboard of your car.
There is a hot water bottle hanging from your shower curtain.
Your clothesline has at least two splices in it.
A full moon remonds you of your mother-in-law pullin' weeds.
There are more than 4 hats in the rear window of your car.
You've never paid for a haircut.
You give "chinette" as a wedding present.
The tires on your car don't fit under your fenders.
You think A-1 Sauce tastes great on 'possum.
You think the traffic sign "Merge" is a personal challenge.
You burn trash in your Subday clothes.
You have fake fur on your dashboard.
You give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.
Nobody can rebuild an engine like mama.
You consider a spotlight hunting equipment.
Your car has never had a full tank of gas.
You stockpile motor oil.
Your favorite cologne is Blue Tick Hound.
You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
You've ever had sex while wearing work gloves.
Your dog drinks from the toilet and you don't care.
Your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes three relatives to figure out how to fix it.
You call the operator to get the number for 911.
Your car alarm eats dog food.
You're considered an expert on worm beds.
You leave everything in your will to your mule.
You make wind chimes out of frozen orange juice lids.
You own a pair of knee-high moccasins.
You drew "horns" on your new bride in your wedding pictures.
You have a beer can crusher mounted on the dashboard of your car.
You haul more than U-Haul.
You buy a police scanner to keep up with your relatives.
You showed up drunk for your D.U.I hearing.
You pick your teeth from a catalog.
You have a black eye and a hickey at the same time.
You've ever made love on top of a dog house.
You think Long John Silver is formal underware.
When paying for beer, spare pistol shells fall out of your pocket.
Everyone in the house learns something from the potty training videotape.
You missed high school graduation because your kids were sick.
You've ever used a laundromat as a mailing address.
You've ever given yourself a social disease.
You've ever freshened up with a Slim Jim.
On stag night, you take a real deer.
You use a screwdriver to open your chewing tobacco.
All of your relatives would have to die to wipe out illiteracy.
There is more oil in your baseball cap than in your car.
The man from the power company threatens to cut off your service, and you threaten to cut off something of his in return.
Your birth announcements included the words "rug rat."
You've ever water-skied in your underwear.
You pick your nose in line at the bank.
You have a tennis ball on your truck antenna.
People hear your car a long time before they see it.
There are engine parts on your coffee table.
You've ever been on television not wearing a shirt.
You have a feed store nightgown.
You've ever backed down an exit ramp.
Your arms are hairless from checking your knife's sharpness.
Your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.
You use a piece of bread as a napkin.
Your dog passes gas and you claim it.
The police regularly come to your house to break up a fight, and you live alone.
You've ever hitchhiked naked.
The highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.
You trim your beard and find a french fry.
The biggest sign on your place of business says "Minnows!"
Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.
It's midnight and everyone on your street knows what album your're playing.
Every room in your house is a junk room.
You've seen Walking Tall more than 50 times.
You go fishing with a generator and copper wire.
You have an above ground pool and you fish in it.
It takes an entire dumpster to clean out your car.
People are scared to touch your bathrobe.
All your wedding guests were seated on the same side of the church.
At the dog track, you always bet on the dog that "does his business" right before the race starts.
Your underwear doubles as swimming trunks.
You've ever committed a crime with a lawn mower.
You go to a party and the punch bowl flushes.
Your only trip to the dentist was to get your dentures made.
The quality of your birthday present depends on how mama finishes in the wet t-shirt contest.
Your satellite dish has more square footage than your home.
You thought Ned Beatty was sexy in Deliverance.
You've ever had hot flashes at a cattle auction.
Your TV gets 512 channels, but you go outside to use the bathroom.
Your neighbors refer to a double-wide on a sand mound as "the mansion on the hill."
You think the last four words of the National Anthem are "Gentlemen, start your engines!"
You made jewelry out of your gallstones.
You applied for a job while wearing a stocking cap.
You met your wife through a "personal ad" written on the men's room wall.
You take a spit cup out on the dance floor.
You always use tape to hem your pants.
You think cow tipping should be an Olympic sport.
Your car burns more oil than gas.
The oil stain on your driveway looks like the result of a tanker spill.
Somebody hollers "Hoe Down" and your girlfriend hits the floor.
You wear tube socks with a dress.
Neither your nor your husband's job requires you to wear a shirt to work.
You wear tube socks with a dress.
You own a Waffle House credit card.
Most of your family have appeared on COPS.
The dishwasher and your wife are one and the same.
You've ever been accused of lying through your tooth.
You've ever walked through a drive-thru window.
The beer truck delivers door-to-door in your neighborhood.
Your cigarette lighter is your stove.
The cleaners inform you that they can't get the sweat stains out.
The only scales in your bathroom are leftovers from the fish cleaning.
You burn out your clutch in a funeral procession.
You can distinguish between the taste of 'possum and groundhog, blindfolded.
Three weeks after the circus, you're still talking about the elephant's accident.
Your idea of cleaning house is throwing everything in the back yard.
You don't recognise several relatives when they're sober.
You've ever used panty hose as a coffee filter.
The school principal has your number on speed dial.
Your class reunion is a keg party in the woods.
You've ever thrown a tailgate party at a tractor pull.
You've ever borrowed chewing tobacco from your wife.
Your tooth has a cavity.
Your property has ever been mistaken for a recycling center.
You refer to hot sex as relative humidity.
Your horse can count higher than you.
You own all of the components of soap on a rope except the soap.
You fix holes in your truck with duct tape.
You proudly display a collection of automobile-shaped cologne bottles.
You go to the ear, nose, and throat doctor to have your finger removed.
You think Roe vs. Wade deals with boat ownership.
You made a cheat sheet for a hunter safety test.
All your tupperware is old butter containers.
You've ever stood outside a bathroom and heckled someone who was inside.
Your riding lawn mower has cup holders.
Your toothbrush has been in the family for generations.
You own a monogrammed minnow bucket.
Your truck has ever been the scene of a crime.
You play pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey and get 4 teeth knocked out.
You've ever plucked a nose hair with a pair of pliers.
You have to wash your hands before you go to the bathroom.
You wear overalls to save on the cost of shirts and underwear.
Your little black book is a string of cocktail napkins.
You rip a loud one and blame your date.
Your veterinarian is also a taxidermist.
You know your daddy's C.B. handle, but not his real name.
Your bowling ball cost more than your college education.
You use your daughter's wedding as an excuse to buy a new shotgun.
You have a Jack Daniels poster in your living room.
You think Liberation was that funny-dressed guy who played the piano.
You've talked to your mama on the C.B., but have never met her in person.
The sound of a siren sends your family running for the woods.
You shave your legs with your husband's fishing knife.
The cottage cheese container in your refrigerator holds night crawlers.
You make your wife ride in the back of the truck so the dog won't get sick.
You drive 600 miles to see an image of Elvis that has miraculously appeared in water stains on the ceiling of a trailer.
Your first pet was a chicken.
The National Guard had to be called out to your last family reunion.
Your school colors are camouflage.
Your horse lives in a better place than you do.
Your chili's secret ingredient comes from a bait shop.
Your gun safe is bigger than your refrigerator.
Your retirement plans include getting your own place.
You have a subscription to Hound Dogs Today.
You practice fishing off your front porch.
You have a refrigerator just for beer.
You clean your hands daily with gasoline.
You have your wife check the depth of the water before you drive your truck through it.
Your belt buckle trips the airport metal detector even when you aren't at the airport.
None of the tires on your car are the same size.
You wouldn't dare go anywhere without jumper cables.
Turning on your lights involves pulling a string.
Your sex life improved with the invention of 4-wheel drive.
All your wall decorations have horns on them.
Your wife's arms got so big from pushing your car.
You went to the gun and knife show more than once in the same weekend.
The morning after your kids' slumber party, the dogs have fleas.
You've never made up your bed.
Trimming your beard requires lawn equipment.
You buy lard wholesale.
Your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture.
Any of your children are the result of a conjugal visit.
You can do a moose mating call from an orifice other than your mouth.
Coworkers start a petition over your coffee cup.
One of your top concerns is going to the electric chair.
You have lots of hubcaps on your house, but none on your cars.
Your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.
You regularly answer the question "What have you been doing lately?" with "Partying."
You can readily describe the taste of squirrel.
You can take your bra off while driving.
There is not room for one more bumper sticker on your car.
You go to your sister's wedding just to kiss the bride.
Counting sheep makes you more aroused than sleepy.
You were driving a tractor before you could walk.
You stockpile pork & beans.
Trick-or-treaters are scared to come to your door.

posted 01-26-2003 01:13 PM            

You got my pride
hanging out of my bed
You're messin' around with my life
So I bought my lead
You even mess with my children
And you're screamin' at my wife, baby
Get off my back,
if you wanna get outta here alive

Freedom, give it to me
That's what I want now
Freedom, that's what I need now
Freedom to live
Freedom, so I can give

You got my heart
speak electric water
You got my soul
screamin' and howlin'
You know you hook my girlfriend
You know the drugstore man
But I don't need it now
I was trying to slap it out of her head

Freedom, so I can give
Freedom, yeah
Freedom, that's what I need

posted 01-26-2003 01:40 PM            

The powers that be
They like a tough game
No rules
Some you win, some you lose
"Competition good for you"
They're dying to be free
They're the powers that be
They like a bomb proof cadillac
Air conditioned, gold taps,
Back seat gun rack, platinum hub caps
They pick horses for courses
They're the market forces
Nice car Jack
They like order, make-up, lime light power
Game shows, rodeos, star wars, TV
They're the powers that be

They like treats, tricks, carrots and sticks
They like fear and loathing, they like sheep's
clothing
And blacked-out vans

Blacked-out vans, contingency plans
They like death or glory, they love a good story
They love a good story

Sisters of mercy better join with your brothers
Put a stop to the soap opera state

posted 01-27-2003 04:03 PM            

READ THE WORDS FOR YOURSELF. DON'T LET FAUX NEWS TELL YOU OTHERWISE.

Quotes from Blix's report on Iraq.

"I turn now, Mr. President, to the key requirement of cooperation and Iraq's response to it. Cooperation might be said to relate to both substance and process. It would appear from our experience so far that Iraq has decided in principle to provide cooperation on process, notably access.

"A similar decision is indispensable to provide cooperation on substance in order to bring the disarmament task to completion through the peaceful process of inspection and to bring the monitoring task on a firm course.

"An initial minor step would be to adopt the long overdue legislation required by the resolutions.

"I shall deal first with cooperation on process. In this regard, it has regard to the procedures, mechanisms, infrastructure and practical arrangements to pursue inspections and seek verifiable disarmament. While the inspection is not built on the premise of confidence, but may lead to confidence if it is successful, there must nevertheless be a measure of mutual confidence from the very beginning in running the operation of inspection. Iraq has, on the whole, cooperated rather well so far with UNMOVIC in this field.

"The most important point to make is that access has been provided to all sites we have wanted to inspect. And with one exception, it has been [without] problems. We have further had a great help in building up the infrastructure of our office in Baghdad and the field office in Mosul. Arrangements and services for our plane and our helicopters have been good.

"The environment has been workable. Our inspections have included universities, military bases, presidential sites and private residences. Inspections have also taken place on Fridays, the Muslim day of rest, on Christmas Day and New Year's Day. These inspections have been conducted in the same manner as all other inspections. We seek to be both effective and correct. "

posted 01-28-2003 11:32 AM            

quote:

---

and while we are on the subject of disinableing
what about
"the photo from 1990"?

---

Oooops, hope it wasn't me.