posted 07-19-2003 10:48 AM            

George Bush says, 'Gore's book needs a lot of explaining.' Of course, Bush says that about every book.

The Republican party -- the same party that believes that 6-year olds can't tell the difference between real and toy guns -- believes that Elian Gonzalez knows where he should live.

The SC has ruled out medical marijuana. First they installed Bush as President. Now they are refusing any help to reduce the pain and suffering of the public.

The bad news is that North Korea has restarted its nuclear reactors, so we know that they could soon have a nuke that could hit the west coast here in California. The president has said that this is still not a crisis because we don't have one that could hit a red state."

Hey, today we got the four of clubs. A guy named Samir al-Aziz, a Ba'ath party bad guy. And we now have the four of clubs, the five of clubs, the five of spades and the seven of diamonds. I don't know what game they're playing at the White House, but today, when it was confirmed that we had the four of clubs, Condoleezza Rice had to take off her blouse." —Bill

"The Pentagon said this week that the war in Iraq has cost $20 billion so far. The breakdown is operations: $10 billion; personnel: $6 billion; getting Bush re-elected: priceless." —

"Iraq now says that it will, after all, destroy its missiles. President Bush said, 'Please, I used to pull the same trick. There'd be an intervention, I'd make a big show of pouring out the liquor and then there was a case under the floorboards.'" —Bill Maher

"They told us to buy duct tape and portable radios so that if the world does end, we can all listen to Rush Limbaugh blame it on Clinton." —Bill Maher

What's it going to take to get these people who refuse to believe that global warming exists to get in touch with reality? Where do they think exhaust goes -- Bunnyland?

As a Republican, why do you want this snot-nosed little kid with a sense of entitlement as President instead of a man who's a war hero and has actually done something for his country? I mean, I know George W. Bush fought hard against the Viet Cong invading Fort Worth, Texas, but still. --Bill Maher

"Chief Weapons Inspector Hans Blix told the U.N. today that Baghdad is cooperating or, to put it in terms that Fox News viewers can understand, Hans Blix told the U.N. today that Baghdad is not cooperating." -Bill Maher

"The president boasted at the top of his press conference that we
have the support now of Britain and Spain for our attack on Iraq.
You know, when you want to make it perfectly clear to the world that
you're not an imperialist, the people you want in your corner are
Britain and Spain." -Bill Maher

As Bill Maher said last week, how bad do you have to suck to lose a popularity contest with Saddam Hussein? The whole world is against you, Mr. Bush. Count your fellow Americans among them

"I don't vote Republican because I want compassion, I vote republican because I want an old white guy to watch my money." --Bill Maher

"Bush is a drunken, blood-thirsty moron who has an insatiable hardon for war."

And to save the best for last

"When I take action, I'm not going to fire a $2 million missile at an empty $10 tent and hit a camel in the butt. -- George W. Bush

So you're saying FOX News is doing well because every country needs its Al Jazeera network?
-- Jon Stewart to Tony Snow, The Daily Show, July 8, 2003